I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
