He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
