hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
