So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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