I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Everything about him screamed your future.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
