i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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