I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
