low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
