aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
