I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She said her name was "party"
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
