either way he was missing a nipple.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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