She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
