well I can't set my house on fire every night
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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