I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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