OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
