like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
