I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
