Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
