Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
