Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
