WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
