I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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