her vagine was all disorganized.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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