i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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