The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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