The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
