This girl is more easily done than said...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
