what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
