I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
