I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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