i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
