Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
