Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
