our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
