so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
