I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
