I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
NoShamevember. You game?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
