Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
