I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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