I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
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