Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Houston, we have a blender
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
