That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
