smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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