just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
