Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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