just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
