At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
