had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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