So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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