im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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