after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
