If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
