i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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