maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
