dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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