the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
